Mobs 'R' Us
by Atuliel
Summary: AH/AU. A mysterious woman arrives in Port Charles and shakes things up for all the citizens.
1. Flash!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. All belongs to _General Hospital_ creators and writers.

* * *

Johnny played some very devastating chords on his grand piano, a furrowed brow and darkening eyes all that really adorned his usually cardboard features. Lulu appeared in the doorway, a vision of blonde locks and a pouting lower lip. He, of course, saw her out of the corner of his eye, but made no move to speak to her or to stop what he was doing. She kept her purse close against herself and waited until the last out-of-tune note.

"That was beautiful," she commented politely, making her way into the room with click-clacks. "What's it called?"

Johnny's face was practically stone. Someone probably sculpted him.

"It's a piece by Rachmaninov," he bit out. "What are you doin' here, Lulu?"

She stood at the end of his piano, wearing that disgustingly smug smirk on her face.

"I just wanted you to know that no one's gonna blame you for Michael's shooting," she told him proudly. "I made sure of it."

He flicked his eyes to her. Suddenly, there was an iridescent **flash**!, which…isn't really possible, unless you're watching _Passions_ (which you're not…you're watching _General Hospital_), behind Lulu. There was a person!

"Lulu!" Johnny yelped, leaping to his feet.

The person, who was a woman, by the way, and was tallish, and who had a bucket of popcorn she was chuckling into as she dug for more, and who had a white cat rubbing happily up against her legs, laughed.

"Yeah, right," she snorted. "Cause that's what Lulu _always_ comes here for! It's not so she can see you and make out with you and have sex with you, it's because she's proud of herself for saving you from the devastating prison sentence you would receive." She paused, considering. "Okay, I guess that could be a reason, but mostly it's the making out with you."

"Who are you?" Lulu squeaked, backing toward her precious Johnny.

"Bungi," the woman replied, nodding sagely. "Or Atuliel. Or Derica. Or Jem. You know, whichever of those you wanna call me, but don't call me Atuliel or Derica or Jem or I'll write you out of the story."

"What?" Johnny hissed, confused.

"Just call me Bungi," she snapped, shaking her head. "God! You're even slower _here_. I thought it was bad watching the show."

"What show? What are you talking about?" Lulu squealed, holding Johnny's shirt tightly between her fingers.

"You don't know?" Bungi scoffed. "Dumby. Oh, well. I don't have time to explain it to you anyway. New scene. Bye now."

And with another iridescent **flash**!, she disappeared, along with her popcorn and cat. Lulu, breathing heavily, held tightly onto Johnny, who was smelling her hair. Freak.

* * *

Jason took a deep breath, turning away from Elizabeth. She could feel the tension pulsing in her back and stomach, making her want to hurl instead of stand and face her lover. Or soon to be ex-lover, as she knew. When he started talking, though, she had no choice but to focus on him and listen to what he was saying. He'd be making a good point about why they shouldn't be together and she wouldn't want to miss that, would she?

"When Carly was pregnant with Michael, she, uh, had a fight with Dr. Jones," he began, breathing heavily, "and…she showed up at my doorstep. And she asked me to be her baby's father. And I…at the time, I was running Sonny's business and I tried to explain to her that it would not be safe…for her and her baby." He paused for a long moment, eyes unnaturally wide. "She didn't care. So…I let her stay, and when Michael was born, I promised to protect him."

He stopped, staring painfully into space. Elizabeth swallowed. Too bad she wasn't really listening. She was really only thinking about that moment she had gotten to say yes to his proposal and the fact that now he was taking it back.

"Cause everybody thinks that I can keep everybody safe!" Jason growled, really yelling at himself through the tears. "And I can't! I can't keep anybody safe! And the truth is—"

There was a bright iridescent **flash**! next to him at the fireplace.

"Oh, boo, hoo, hoo!" Bungi barked at him, ignoring his startled stare. "What are you, twelve?"

Jason backed away from her quickly, placing Elizabeth behind him. The mother of two gripped his sleeve in alarm.

"Who are you? Are you here to hurt Jake?" she squeaked.

"Woman, you have a one-track mind," Bungi informed her, munching on another piece of popcorn. "Your fiancé is about to blow you off because he's got the emotional maturity of a five-year old right now, and all you care about is, 'Oh, is the bad lady with the popcorn gonna hurt Jakey? WAAAAAAH!'"

"A-are you?" Jason inquired, uncertainly.

Bungi laughed. "No! I love that kid. The people I can't stand right now are both in this room. What the heck is wrong with you two? You're supposed to be in love! Yeah, Jason, I realize Michael just got shot in the head, but, honestly, rash decisions ain't gonna help your situation with Elizabeth. Or raise my respect for you. Jerk."

She stuck out her tongue at him and Elizabeth glanced anxiously from Jason to Bungi.

"Th-this isn't rash!" Jason defended himself lamely. "I-I've thought about this a lot! This is—"

"The hardest decision you've ever had to make?" she finished for him, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "This is the same decision you've made fifty times."

"That's not true," he snapped, pouting.

"Yes, it is! Loser!" Bungi retorted, still munching. "Let's see…1999, let's take a look at that year, shall we? Oh, doing fine, getting along, getting closer, then you get shot. Everything's okay, you just have a brand new hole in your body, but you guys are getting along. Then, WHAM! 'I shouldn't be near you. This isn't good for you. It's too dangerous.' Elizabeth is awesome and manages to convince you, but then in 2000, you're like, 'Never mind. There was a bomb. It's too dangerous.' Elizabeth, again, is awesome and gets you back, but like, two seconds later, you're all, 'I'm leaving because it's too dangerous!' How many times have you said that phrase? I really wanna know!"

"But—"

"No, Jason, I'm talking! You shut up!" she continued, glaring menacingly at him. "I swear, if you interrupt me again, you're gonna fall off a bridge."

Elizabeth swallowed and gripped Jason a tad tighter.

"Anyway, it clearly never works for you to stay away from each other," Bungi persisted busily. "You always end up back together or Elizabeth ends up falling off a bridge in a car, or getting kidnapped, or attacked, or shot. And you were nowhere near her at the time. With you guys, it's always, 'Oh, we can't be together!' Which, by the way, Elizabeth, really annoying when you're trying to convince him to keep having an affair for you to say that. Also not cool when a guy is crying to keep saying stuff like, 'Oh, if I were in Carly's shoes, I'd shoot myself' or something like that. Maybe her shoes are uncomfortable, I don't know, but stop doing that.

"Anyway, with you guys, it's always, 'Oh, we can't be together!' Next episode, 'Oh, we can't be together!' Next episode, 'Oh, we can't be together!' You see my point? And if either one of you ever even _suggests_ being together, the other jumps all over you going, 'No, it's too dangerous! We can't be together!' So if you _both_ agree, why don't you _change the subject_? Talk about your interests, your likes, what's happening with Carly's hair lately, how Jake and Cam are doing—with_out_ complaining endlessly about you how can't be a family—how close Spam is to stomping on Latte's heart and leaving him to die—"

"Wait, wait, wait," Elizabeth cut in. "Who are Spam and Latte?"

"Oh, um…right, you don't refer to them that way," Bungi said thoughtfully. "Spam McCall? Latte Spencer? Right, Lucky?"

The white cat, who Jason and Elizabeth hadn't noticed until then, purred up at her.

"You turned Lucky into a cat?" Elizabeth screeched in alarm.

"No…he's…always been a cat," Bungi replied, freaked out.

"No, he hasn't, cause…I…when I married him he wasn't!" she said helplessly, gesturing wildly. "Right, Jason? Please, back me up on this. Lucky wasn't a cat!"

"Oooh, you're talking about Latte! The pill-poppin', two-timin' guy," Bungi said with a sage nod. "Oh, dang. I'll be back to explain this to you. Please, feel free to continue while I'm gone."

And with another iridescent **flash**!, she was.

* * *

"Get out," Carly snarled at the evil, diseased whore who wasn't Spam.

Yeah, the other evil, diseased whore.

"I'm not here to hurt Michael," she wept.

Another iridescent **flash**!

"Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it," Bungi said from next to Michael's prone body, munching away. "And then burn it down, please. Actually, if I gave you a gun, would you shoot yourself? Please?"

Carly and Claudia L. stared at the popcorn munching girl and both had the same question.

"Who the hell are you?"

Bungi rolled her eyes. "Ask Johnny and Lala the next time you see them."

"What did you do to Johnny?" Claudia L. exclaimed, alarmed.

"Oh, no…it's creepy lady. I just realized."

Bungi grabbed her popcorn and her cat tightly, then huddled under Michael's hospital bed as quickly as possible. Claudia L. and Carly exchanged a puzzled glance, then lifted the sheet to look under the bed. The girl squeaked and bounced to the other side of the room, cowering in the corner.

"Um, Popcorn Girl?" Carly ventured uncertainly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not talking until IT is out of the room," she whimpered, hiding her face. "Oh, cool. New scene. Bye-bye!"

The women jumped back as an iridescent **flash**! sent the girl away.

* * *

Sonny almost shot himself.

"Yeah, that's gonna help everybody," a woman, who appeared with an iridescent **flash**! commented nonchalantly as she chowed down, sitting on one of the coffee bean racks. "Just shoot yourself. That'll make it easier for everybody. Where do you think they're gonna get their coffee if you do that? Kelly's? Then you'll have cops, mobsters, _and_ whores running into each other. Not to mention computer geeks, fashionistas, lawyers, and all the other freaks from Port Charles. It's just not good, Sonny-boy."

"Who are you?" he growled, pointing the gun at Bungi.

She smiled at him and pet Lucky, the white cat, who was rubbing against her side.

"That gun is so not gonna work," she told him confidently.

"Sonny, no!" Robin shouted from the next rack over.

"Oh, don't worry, Robin," Bungi assured her with a smile. "Let him shoot."

So Sonny did. _Click, click, click_.

"Told ya!" she said cheerfully, holding her palm out, wherein were his bullets.

"Hey! How do you know our names and how did you get those bullets?" Sonny snapped angrily.

"You need to chillax, dude," Bungi told him sagely. "You ever think maybe that's why your life sucks? You're too wired."

"Um…who are you?" Robin asked, coming around to Sonny's side.

Bungi hopped down and shook her hand. "Bungi," she said with a grin. "So nice to meet you, Robin. Maybe you can knock some sense into these people's heads."

"Nope, I've tried it," Robin replied with a nervous smile, shaking her hand as well. "They're all pretty crazy."

"Yep, yep," Bungi agreed. "Oh, and I know you guys' names and stuff cause I'm omniscient. I know everything."

Sonny glared at her but Robin just folded her arms, amused.

"Oh, really?"

"Sure do," Bungi said with a grin. "Let me prove it. You are pregnant with Dr. Patrick Drake's baby, but are having doubts about him actually wanting to be a father or be in the child's life because he is uncomfortable with children and never wanted them in the first place. You should listen to Elizabeth about Patrick, because she needs support right now and so do you. Sonny was going to shoot himself before you came in here."

"What?" Robin gasped, looking at a wide-eyed Sonny.

"Don't be too shocked. Just accept and move on," Bungi told her quickly. "Carly told Sonny that he wasn't allowed to be Michael's father. Michael is in a permanent coma, while his stepfather, Jasper Jax, has been unable to catch a flight back here. Johnny and Lala are discussing his condition at the moment. And…Jason is being a complete moron and breaking off his engagement with Elizabeth."

"They're _engaged_?" Robin and Sonny gasped at the same time.

"Were. Like I said, Jason's being a moron and Elizabeth is just accepting this as 'what he wants,' as usual," she said with a roll of her eyes. "It's really a big, dumb thing about her having a huge heart so she has to please _everyone_ on the entire planet for worry that if she buys fruit punch, some guy in Uzbekistan might go hungry."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I may have exaggerated a little," she admitted, nodding.

"No, I meant about the engagement," Robin said softly. "I mean, I knew she wanted to be with him, but…whoa."

"Yeah, well…while you absorb and Sonny stands there all self-pitying, I have another scene to go to. Bye."

* * *

Next thing she knew, Bungi was sitting on a piano.

"Aw, crap, it's you two again," she grouched, glaring at the teenagers. "All right, Johnny, get over yourself. Either be with Lala the miniature Carly, or don't. I don't care what you do. Declare your undying love or kick her out of the house. Kiss her in a passion or beat her up in an alley. Have sex with her right here on this piano that you love so much or shove her off a cliff. Whichever you choose, do it, and do it soon, or _else_. I am sick of all this back and forth _crap_ from _all_ of these _stupid_ couples!"

Lulu and Johnny stared at her, stunned.

"Ooh, yay! New scene!"

* * *

"Holy crap, it's the _fun_ people!" Bungi exclaimed as she appeared, with an iridescent **flash**! in Sonny's living room.

Diane, Max, and Alexis stared at her, open-mouthed…for the duration of their two second scene. And then Bungi had to go, sadly.

* * *

"What if we just leave Port Charles?" Elizabeth begged, holding his arm. "What if we move…to like Montana, or Hawaii, or New Zealand, somewhere! Anywhere!"

"I can't—"

"Okay, Jason," Bungi snapped, appearing again. "You do _not_ tell a woman who has just offered to give up her life in order to stay with you 'no.' Because that's what Elizabeth just did. She just offered to pick up her kids, her junk, and leave everyone and everything behind, for _you_! Do you understand? You freakin' idiot! Okay, do you realize that in movies, a man will offer to just drop everything to save his woman's life? Or like, in _Friends_, that they will give up the opportunity of a lifetime to be with the one they love?

"How dare you do this to her! Take your mom with you. Michael's not gonna wake up, so as soon as you're done grieving, just pack the heck up and get out of Port Charles. I highly doubt your enemies are gonna follow you to Montana, especially if you have the right security. Change your last name, if you need to—but don't tell Elizabeth no, okay? Can't you see the woman's heart is breaking?"

At this point, Elizabeth burst into tears, so Bungi quickly hugged her, patting her back.

"Okay, you guys wanna come with me?" she asked, arm around her shoulders. "Have a fun little Port Charles meeting at General Hospital? I know I'll be changing the plot, but it's important."

"Okay," Elizabeth sobbed, wiping her eyes.

Jason merely nodded, watching Elizabeth with wide eyes. Bungi grabbed his hand and, with an iridescent **flash**!, they, and everyone else from Port Charles (including the dinky extras) appeared in General Hospital.

"I have an idea," Bungi announced cheerfully. "Why don't you all stop being in the mob? I mean, the show is called _General Hospital_, and if I have to explain this to you all that it's a TV show, I'm gonna scream, not 'Mobs R Us.' So, everyone who hates the mob, raise your hand."

There was no contest.

"Okay, so, novel concept: turn to the person next to you and say, 'there's no more mob,'" she said, grinning. "So then, Jason and Elizabeth can be happy forever. And I won't have to do this again. Agreed?"

"Um…okay," Robin spoke up for them all. "Sounds good to me."

There were general sounds of assent. Jason and Elizabeth smooched and she stopped crying. And then the kingdom was theirs forever—THE END! :D

* * *

Oh, and one more thing, "I know size can be daunting, but…don't be afraid. I _luv_ you." ;) Bungi plants a kiss on the screen and disappears with an iridescent **flash**!


	2. The Room

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. All belongs to _General Hospital_ creators and writers.

* * *

It was still the latest news. Some girl had been appearing around Port Charles with an iridescent **flash**! Her name was supposedly Bungi, as Johnny Zacchara and Lulu Spencer reported, and she'd yelled at several of the citizens without any physical violence. All of Port Charles' citizens saw her the last time she appeared: giving them the idea to rid themselves of the mob.

Her initial victims? Johnny Zacchara, Lulu Spencer, Jason Morgan, Elizabeth Webber, Carly Corinthos-Jacks, Claudia L., Sonny Corinthos, Robin Scorpio, Alexis Davis, Diane Miller, and Max. Who in the world knows his last name? Sheesh. Anyway, the change she brought upon Port Charles was the talk of the town.

Alexis was finally able to admit to herself that she was in love with Jerry Jacks. They started dating publicly and she even allows him to see her children. Not Spam. Because, with Spam, it would've led to a little more than 'seeing.' But Jerry now works with his brother and wife in a partnership with the hotel and stuff.

Bobbie Spencer made up with Jason Morgan for his decision to become a mobster that she'd been mad about for years. She also made an effort to fix her face, but it was unfixable, sadly.

Carly Corinthos-Jacks continued mourning her child and being in denial, but Jasper was finally able to knock some sense into her, inspired by Bungi's yelling. She finally chose to spend some time with her conscious child, and she and Jasper started to make up. She stopped being such a bitch to Jason, since she was distracted by her newfound bond with her family. She may also change her hairstyle, since Jason told her about Bungi's comment.

Cassius and Epiphany decided to hang out.

Claudia L. was still a freak. No changing that.

Spinelli kissed Maxie. Maxie was surprised. She was also surprised to learn that her nickname is no longer 'Maxipad' among the citizens of Port Charles. They are now dating, but there's no double-dating with Alexis and Jerry. That would be awkward. But Maxie is happy to continue working for Kate.

Diane Miller decided she wanted to jump Max's bones. They are also dating. Max still works for Sonny at the House O'Coffee.

Edward Quartermaine was delighted to find out about his great grandson. He's now redoing his will.

Emily was finally able to convince Nikolas to go for it with Nadine and to stop being all 'I have a brain tumor, yay!' Emily did disappear for Nikolas, but she now haunts Martha Stewart. She has high hopes of owning a share in the fortune and being able to flick cookie dough at Martha.

Nikolas and Nadine aren't quite dating, because he still has to get over Emily, but they spend a lot of time together, along with Spencer.

Ian Devlin is a freak.

Johnny Zacchara got over himself and started dating Lulu. Lulu quit working for Kate Howard shortly after getting a paper cut. Johnny now works at a barber shop and even did Latte's hair last week. Scary.

Kate Howard is still running her magazine with the help of Maxie Jones. Sonny proposed the other day and they're now engaged. Sonny is still doing his coffee thing and Kate continues her friendship with Jasper, in spite of Carly's anger about it. Jasper is doing a better job controlling Carly, though. Kudos for him.

Kelly Lee is now seeing some guy from pediatrics. He's a virgin and wants to take things slow. She's glad.

Lainey Winters admitted to having feelings for the guy who had the thing about her dad or something and they'll be dating when he gets off his whole parole thing.

Leyla Mir went back to England. 'Nough said.

Logan Hayes started working for his daddy as a cop. Isn't that sweet? He currently has no girlfriend, but e-mails a lot with some chick from Montana, since that's the only state besides New York that _General Hospital_ seems to know about.

Luke Spencer continues to use Claudia L. and Johnny Zacchara's money for the Haunted Star. He is happily drinking and hanging with Tracy Quartermaine, who has decided he's not so bad drunk.

Mac Scorpio is happy that his niece is having a baby and supports her through it—he grudgingly accepts Spinelli's relationship with Maxie and all the former mobsters as well.

Michael 'Corinthos' is never gonna wake up. So sad. Demon-child.

Monica Quartermaine is extremely happy that the mob is over—probably happier than anyone—and is well on her way to recovering in rehab, with the loyal support of her son, Jason, her grandsons, and her daughter-in-law.

Patrick Drake and Robin Scorpio got engaged, too, once he had the guts to tell her he loved her and wanted their child. They found out it's going to be a girl and are discussing names. Raven, thank God, is not among them. Too many birds in the kid's name.

Ric Lansing got over himself, too, and he and Sonny are now sharing partnership of the House O'Coffee. Sonny told him he trusted Ric the other day, and Ric shed a little happy tear. Awwww!

Trevor Lansing jumped off the docks shortly after the ending of the mob. I'm depressed now.

Anthony Zacchara just laughs maniacally in his hospital bed and that's about it.

Latte and Spam are engaged now, and she has him well-trained to chase after Cheez-Its when she throws them. He still sneaks pills when 'no one's looking.'

Elizabeth, Cameron, and Jake changed their last names to Morgan. It was awesome. The honeymoon was in Italy, and Robin and Patrick watched the kids while the parents were in Italy. Cameron and Jake will go on the next trip. They now live in Elizabeth's house with Jason and he's in the process of adopting Cameron. Both kids love it, since they knew Jason was their daddy all along.

Elizabeth is ecstatic all the time and loves to gaze fondly at her wedding ring at work. She is still a nurse, but now paints a lot of the time when she's not taking care of her kids or going for rides on Jason's motorcycle. Jason opened up an art gallery connected to a motorcycle store called 'The Wind.' Elizabeth was delighted.

Robin Scorpio was maid of honor at the wedding. Spinelli was the best man, much to Sonny's surprise. When Jason explained that it was because Sonny has turned into a jackass, they had a brief tiff before Sonny went back crying to Kate.

Jason and Elizabeth have only had one argument in their entire marriage and that was about the very expensive studio he bought her—which only had one floor and a lot of security systems. Elizabeth thought she didn't deserve it. Jason thought she did. He got a huge present that night, if you know what I mean.

Jason, Elizabeth, Cameron, and Jake are all very happy living together in their Liasocake house.

_**BUT**_ there are still questions unanswered. Why did Bungi call Lucky Latte, Sam Spam, and Claudia L. Claudia L.? Why was she there? Who _is_ The Muffin Man? Was Lucky the cat really not Latte transformed? Why was Bungi always eating popcorn? What _does_ Sonny ship besides coffee? Is it really a front? Find out next in chapter two!

* * *

That was fun, wasn't it? I thought so. (Peecho, from behind a book: Fun, but long. Very long.) Oh, come on! It wasn't _that_ long! And besides, it's not my fault the writers made so many dang characters….

Anyway, it was a typical day in Port Charles. Jason couldn't get the lawnmower to work, so Nikolas loaned him his. Elizabeth and Robin went to Kelly's for a drink and ran into Spam there. They totally took her down a few notches and Spam ran off crying to Latte, who wanted another Cheez-It. Maxie and Spinelli got caught making out in the living room by Mac. Etc., etc., etc.

But, suddenly, in Jason and Elizabeth's living room, there was an iridescent **flash**! Bungi reappeared! With popcorn and her faithful cat, Lucky.

"Place hasn't changed much, has it, Lucky?" she asked the cat, peering around the room. "Except for the fifty billion paintings and eighty six gazillion new pictures with the whole family. Whoa!" She grabbed a picture off the stand. "Jason is smiling! I called it! He certainly would smile for Elizabeth. Not Carly. Ha!"

She set the picture down just as Jason came in, covered in grease and oil from head to toe.

"Honey!" he called, examining his hands.

"Sweet-ums?" Bungi replied with a grin.

Jason jumped, surprised. "Bungi?"

"Yeppers," she affirmed, picking up her cat. "Miss me?"

"Wh-what are you doing here?" he asked, shutting the door behind him. "We didn't think you were coming back."

"I have some things to wrap up," she returned, crunching on a piece of popcorn.

"Oh…um, here?" he inquired anxiously. "Because we're doing just fine. We don't need to be yelled at."

"Oh, no, it has nothing to do with yelling," Bungi assured him, nodding.

"Jason, did you—oh! Bungi, y-you're back," Elizabeth said nervously as she came in from the kitchen. "D-did something happen? We're married! We aren't breaking up!"

Bungi grinned. "I know. The imaginary show in my head told me so. The actual show is not so great right now. It actually sucks. A lot. Good thing I wrote this story, huh?"

"What?"

"Oh, right, you guys wouldn't know," she reminded herself, shrugging. "Anyway, I'm really here to explain a few things to the readers and stuff. You guys have nothing to worry about."

"Oh, thank God," Elizabeth replied, relaxing.

"Yep, yep. So…Jason," Bungi continued, plopping on the couch. "Clean up and get ready. You're taking me somewhere."

"I-I am?" Jason asked, glancing anxiously toward his wife.

"Yeah. Don't worry, Elizabeth can come, too," she assured him, nodding. "But the kids will have to stay with Robin and Patrick again."

"Uh…why can't you just do your flashy thing?" Elizabeth inquired, sitting down next to her.

"Because jumping through the fourth wall is very hard work," Bungi said tiredly. "You don't even know. And before, when it was a show that existed, I didn't really have a choice for when I popped around. Now it's in my control. And I'm lazy. So go wash up, Jason."

Jason and Elizabeth exchanged a glance, shrugged, and he trotted up the stairs. Elizabeth took a deep breath, watching him, then smiled politely at Bungi, shifting on the couch.

"You can go join him," Bungi said suddenly.

"What?" Elizabeth asked, incredulous.

"Well, it's only fair," she rationalized. "You guys got cheated out of that 'nice big shower' thing and I can watch the kids. You guys never make love anymore. You should totally go join him."

"What are you talking about?" she said, acting shocked and scandalized. "I don't just…jump on him whenever I feel like it. And, besides, I think we have a very healthy sex life. We kissed just this morning!"

"Ooh, how many times?" Bungi asked with mock-excitement.

"Well, you don't—"

"Look, you have two kids, a job, he has a business to run, you paint, and then sometimes you guys go for motorcycle rides," she reasoned, sighing as she stroked Lucky's head. "You barely have any time for each other. You have been doing awesome, I admit, but I'm doing you a favor. Go after him. I can watch the kids. Seriously."

"But—"

"_When_ was the last time you two did anything?" Bungi cut her off, frowning. "In the show, it was December. In my imaginary land, it was when he bought that studio for you as a wedding gift. A very, very long time, either way. There's a difference between having a normal relationship and abstinence. You are in no danger of Latte and Spam territory of sex-having, okay? Those two are at it like rabbits every two seconds. You guys can go have sex right now without being considered horny and gross, kay?"

"Okay!" she said delightedly, hopping up off the couch. "Oh, and Latte and Spa—"

"Just go!"

"Okay!"

Elizabeth ran up the stairs.

* * *

Liasonites—take a moment and imagine. :D Feel better? Okay.

* * *

Bungi swept Lucky away from the baby food and set him on the floor, then propped Jake on her hip and spoon-fed him. Cameron was happy munching on Bungi's never-ending supply of popcorn. Lucky pouted up at his owner and rubbed against her legs.

"You like popcorn, Cam?" Bungi asked, smiling.

"Yeah," he said shortly, taking another piece.

"Awesome. So do I," she returned, giving Jake another little spoonful. "Just don't eat too much, okay?"

"Mmkay."

Bungi kissed Jake on the forehead and smiled down at Lucky. Just then, Elizabeth entered with Jason close behind. Both were smiling serenely, holding hands behind her back.

"How was your shower?" Bungi asked with a grin.

Elizabeth cleared her throat. "Oh, fine. How were the kids? They weren't bad, were they?"

"Nope," she affirmed, setting Jake in his high chair. "Now can we go?"

"Sure, but, um, where are we going?" Jason asked, pulling out his keys.

"Well, first to Robin and Patrick's," Bungi replied.

"And then?"

"Elizabeth, have you ever wondered what Sonny ships into Port Charles?" she evaded, turning to Jason's wife. "Besides the coffee that everyone insists is a front."

"Um, yeah, but I figured I shouldn't ask," she returned, frowning as she gathered her kids' things.

"Well, we're about to find out."

* * *

"This isn't a good idea," Elizabeth whimpered as the trio entered Sonny's penthouse.

"No, it isn't," Jason agreed.

"So why are you coming along?" Bungi asked as he shut the door.

"So that if you get caught, I can keep you protected, at the very least," he replied, scowling.

Elizabeth smiled and kissed his cheek. "You're so sweet."

He smiled at her and Bungi grinned.

"Ooh, you guys!" she squeaked, doing a little happy dance. "I love it when you're together."

Jason stared at her.

"What?"

"Why are you doing that?" he asked, watching her legs.

"I'm doing a happy dance," she explained, pouting.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Elizabeth, explain it to him," Bungi ordered, rolling her eyes.

She turned and started up the stairs, the happy couple in tow. Bungi arrived at Sonny's bedroom door and snuck in, glancing around to make sure he and Kate were nowhere in sight. She motioned the other two in and they crept to Sonny's closet door. Elizabeth blinked as Bungi cautiously turned the knob.

"What's the big deal?" she asked, glancing from Bungi to Jason.

"Hey, the mob is over, but he may still have some crazy security system," she said defensively.

"I thought you were omniscient," Jason reminded her, frowning.

"Yes, I am, but I am _trying_ to make the story more suspenseful!" Bungi snapped, annoyed. "Gosh!"

"Sorry," he muttered, watching her fling the door open.

The closet was normal: suits, shirts, shoes at the bottom. Elizabeth glanced up at Jason, who shrugged. Bungi shoved the hangers aside and peeled back the wallpaper. Another door was underneath. She turned the knob and opened the door for the other two, walking into the silent room on the other side. Elizabeth and Jason ducked in, shutting the closet door carefully behind them, but not the inner one. Bungi flicked on a light and Elizabeth gasped, surprised to find hundreds upon hundreds of teddy bears!

Bungi laughed hysterically, wiping tears from her eyes. Elizabeth looked up at the stoic Jason.

"Teddy bears?" she asked, holding back a laugh. "That's what important mobsters ship?"

At this point, she burst into gales of laughter with Bungi and they fell into a soft pile of them.

"Why do you think his bed is always made?" Jason said, still completely unaffected by all the teddy bears.

"You mean he sleeps in _here_?" Elizabeth asked, incredulous.

"Course he does," her laughing companion replied, brandishing a small brown one. "He has to have _something_ to cuddle while he sucks his thumb."

Elizabeth rolled over again with the imagery, pounding the floor. Jason watched them, unmoved.

"No wonder you're Stone Cold," Bungi exclaimed. "Years and years of exposure to this has sucked all the laughter out of you!"

Elizabeth practically shrieked with another laugh. Just then, they heard something click. The door had shut. Jason whirled and rattled the knob, but it was locked. They were trapped in the teddy bear room.


	3. Pigs Chase After People

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. All belongs to _General Hospital_ creators and writers.

* * *

Jason rattled the door a little harder, yanking on it with all his weight. Elizabeth stopped laughing and pushed herself to her feet to help. Bungi grabbed a big brown teddy bear and watched them pull at it, still munching away on her popcorn.

"Come on! Open!" Elizabeth growled at it, after another failed attempt.

"You could get up and help us, you know," Jason snapped at Bungi.

"I could, but it would be pointless and I don't want to," she replied, shrugging. "That door isn't coming open."

"What?" Elizabeth gasped. "You mean we're stuck in here?"

Bungi nodded. "Yep."

"Did you know this was gonna happen?" he accused, scowling at her.

"Not until I just wrote it. I was surprised, myself," she said, sighing. "I'm just so unpredictable sometimes."

"We can't get caught by Sonny—he would kill us," Elizabeth groused, rubbing her forehead. "Can't you do your flashy thing and get us out of here?"

Bungi snorted. "No! I could probably do me, but not all three of us. I'm still too tired."

"Can't you just flash yourself out in Sonny's bedroom and unlock the door for us?" she reasoned, hands on her hips.

"Um, I could, except Sonny is now coming upstairs with Kate, so…bad idea," she explained, frowning.

"How do you know that?" Jason asked, scowling at her.

"As you so kindly pointed out, I am omniscient," Bungi replied, nodding sagely.

"Wait, are we gonna be able to hear them…you know?" Elizabeth inquired, eyeing the door in disgust.

"No, it's sound-proof," she assured her.

"Thank God."

"Yep. By the way, Jason, if you were looking for the silver lining, Elizabeth beat you to it," Bungi informed him.

Jason simply glared.

* * *

1 hour later…

Jason had given up trying to get the door open, but he was now focused on looking for another secret door or exit. Elizabeth sat next to Bungi, partaking in the popcorn as they leaned against the large teddy bears. She'd decided a while back that she should just listen to Bungi and relax, and since there was nothing else to do, she'd also decided that some popcorn wouldn't be bad.

"Hm…I wonder if the kids are okay," she said nonchalantly.

"I'm sure they are," Bungi replied, shrugging.

"Wouldn't you know?" Elizabeth returned curiously.

"You know, you'd think I would," she said almost thoughtfully. "But I don't."

She shook her head and grabbed some more popcorn. Jason growled in frustration and returned to his wife, settling, cross-legged, down beside her. She offered him some popcorn, but he shook his head.

"No, thank you."

She shrugged. "I'm gonna try calling Patrick and Robin." Elizabeth pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket and flipped it open. "Hey! If I get a hold of them, I could always ask them to come to Sonny's and create a distraction so we could get out of here!" she exclaimed, smiling triumphantly.

Jason smiled. "Good idea."

She grinned and dialed the number, but all she ended up getting was static. The phone beeped at her and she scowled, looking at the face, then her shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"No service in here," she pouted, sticking her cell phone back in her pocket.

Jason rubbed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head as she leaned against him.

"You know, your phones suck," Bungi observed indifferently.

"Um…why is that?" Elizabeth returned, highly amused.

"Well…they're always ringing at the worst moments," she explained, sighing. "Like in…I think it was 2002. Jason was gonna kiss you and his stupid phone rang."

"Wait, when was this?" Jason interjected, confused.

"I think it was after she was all in the crypt and stuff and you gave her the bat," she said thoughtfully. "Hey, right before she slept with Zander! See? Maybe she wouldn't have done that if it hadn't been for your phone."

She nodded sagely. Elizabeth and Jason exchanged a glance and she shrugged.

"Maybe, I don't know," his wife answered the question in his eyes.

"You two are so cute," Bungi commented, grinning. "He doesn't even have to say anything. I would swoon, except I don't actually know how you do that."

After a few minutes of silence, she got bored. "Oh! And it also interrupted your engagement smoochies!" she exclaimed.

"What?" Elizabeth asked, confused.

"Your phones," Bungi clarified. "They rang and stuff when you were busy celebrating your engagement. Those were awesome smoochies, too." She pouted. "And it was right after all the Liasonites cried out for joy…that kind of got spoiled by the, 'Guess what? Your nephew got shot in the head! Have a nice day.' I hated it."

"Um…Liasonites?" she said, more puzzled than ever.

"Your fan base."

"What? We have fans?"

Elizabeth glanced up at Jason, who looked just as puzzled as her.

"Uh-huh. Lots and lots of them, actually," she replied, cuddling Sonny's big brown teddy bear.

"Why are they called Liasonites?"

"Well, your 'pairing name,' or whatever you want to call it, is Liason. Because the short version of your name is Liz and then you add it to Jason and you get Liason. Minus the 'z' and the 'j.' It's much better than 'Jiz,' which is your other pairing name when people think Liason is too much. And way better than what the haters call you. 'Liarson' and 'Jizzard.' Those are mostly the people who just hate you, Elizabeth, because they call you Lizzard. They used to love Jason when he was with Spam, but now they're all, 'he broke her heart! Waaaaah!' And I'm like, 'Um…she watched his kid get kidnapped. Who wouldn't get angry?' And they're like, 'Well, he didn't have to threaten to kill her! No one deserves that.' And then I want to bang my head against a wall, because Spam is just Satan spawn and these people are probably just as big of cons, whores, and hypocrites as her so I wonder why I even bother. I actually made a list in my head of ways to tick them off, though, cause I got bored. Wanna hear it?"

Bungi gazed at them eagerly, but they just stared at her blankly, dumbfounded.

"Okay…um…one! Tell them you like lizards," she began, counting it off on her fingers. "Two, remind them that 'lizard' only has one 'z.' Three, admit to everything you two have done wrong and ask them to do the same for Spam. Four, remind them that she watched a baby get kidnapped. Five, screw up the name Sam in any way—even a typo, like Sma. Spam and Scam is the usual method, though. Um, six…count the number of guys she's had sex with on the show. Seven, count the number of times she's had sex on the show. Eight, remind them that we have no idea how many people or times she's actually had sex. Nine, remind them that Spam ended JaSpam, not Jason. Ten, point out the ginormous history you guys have and the deep connection you've built up and the unending friendship and compare it to the teeny history of JaSpam. That's all I've got so far."

Jason and Elizabeth stared at Bungi in confusion.

* * *

2 hours, 2 minutes, and 31.5 seconds later…

"'They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky,'" Bungi sang, legs up the wall and back supporting her on the floor. "'They're altogether ooky, the Addams Family. Their house a museum; when people come to see 'em, they really oughta scre-um, the Addams Family.'"

Jason and Elizabeth rested against a sofa of teddy bears that they'd built earlier, listening to Bungi snap her fingers and sing in the odd position.

With a deep voice, she continued, "'Neat. Sweet. Petite.'" Then, giggling, she used her normal voice again. "'So get a witch's shawl on, a broomstick you can crawl on, we're gonna pay a call on the Addams Family,'" she finished, snapping her fingers one more time for good measure.

They sat there in silence.

"Hm…do you know that it's been exactly 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 44 seconds since you guys last spoke?" she asked them, tilting her head back to peer at them, upside down.

"Only that long?" Jason returned, rubbing his forehead.

"Yep. Hey, there's a window in here," she noticed, blinking at it.

"What?" Elizabeth exclaimed, turning to peer over Jason's shoulder.

Sure enough, there was a small window high up near the ceiling. Jason turned as well and both stood, scrambling off of the stuffed animals. Jason marched over to the wall and reached up toward it, but he couldn't quite reach it. Elizabeth stood nearby, waiting.

"Maybe if one of you stands on my shoulders…" he suggested thoughtfully.

"Oh, right," Bungi said sarcastically, remaining on her back. "With our amazing Spiderman-like capabilities, we'll climb up the wall and manage to squeeze ourselves out of that teeny tiny window and pray to God there isn't a-a moat or a cliff on the other side. Right, Jason, right."

"Do you have any other suggestions?" he snapped back, scowling.

"Uh, no. I think that mostly came out wrong cause I'm starting to feel the headache of all the blood rushing to my head and that makes me cranky," Bungi explained apologetically.

Elizabeth sighed and hurried over to help her up.

"Thanks."

"Well, do you think you're rejuvenated enough to do the flashy thing?" the nurse asked, glancing from her to Jason.

"Um, maybe you and me, but not all three," she said sadly. "Besides, Sonny is still in the other room."

"Then we don't really have a choice."

* * *

A while later…

"Can you see anything?" Bungi called up to Elizabeth, who was standing on Jason's shoulders.

"Not anything down," she called back. "But it just looks like a lot of woods out there."

"Can you get the window open?"

"I'm trying."

With a hard shove, she managed to push it open, making both herself and Jason wobble a little. She peered out, standing on her tiptoes.

"There's a balcony right outside here!" she exclaimed. "We can just lower ourselves onto it."

"Okay, you go first," Jason told her. "Be careful."

Elizabeth gave a push and Jason pushed her up by her legs, until she slid through the window and onto the other side. Jason turned to Bungi, who frowned up at the window.

"Are you sure we're gonna be able to fit?"

"Yes, come on, get up there," Jason said hurriedly, lowering himself to prop her on his shoulders.

"Wait, wait, wait," she said, backing up. "How are _you_ going to get out of here? Piling teddy bears by the wall?"

"You're going to hold Elizabeth by the ankles and lower her down, I'll take her hands and you'll pull us up," Jason said simply, staring at her.

Bungi chuckled. "Yeah, uh-huh. I'm going to pull a full-grown man and his wife up and through a window. Right."

"What's the hold up down there?" Elizabeth called down, peering through the window.

Jason looked up. "We're having a debate about how to get out of here."

"Hey, it's not a debate, it's a discussion," Bungi corrected. "And, seriously, how am I supposed to pull two people out of a window? I'm only one person! See, little me…well, sort of little me, standing here? Being all one person and stuff?"

"You look pretty strong," Jason told her.

"Well, thanks, but I can't haul two people through a window," she shot back. "And I can't hold you up on my shoulders. You're too big. With all the muscley mass and stuff."

"Maybe the pile of bears isn't such a bad idea, then," he returned, sighing.

"That'll all just fall down, or we will fall down, break our noses, and Sonny will come in and start crying because we found his teddy bear room," Bungi said, huffing.

"You are the biggest pessimist in the world," Elizabeth told her, still hanging in the window.

"The word is 'realist,'" she called up defensively. "Besides, just because you're the most optimistic person in the world, doesn't mean I'm the biggest pessimist in the world. I just happen to be a little bit of a cynic. And I'm not insulting you by saying you're optimistic, it's actually one of the things I like about you, because you're so bouncy most of the time and it's adorable."

"Um…thanks?"

"You're welcome."

"Okay, how about this?" Jason suggested, rubbing his temples. "I'll hold you up on my shoulders and you can look out on the balcony, remember what it looks like, then you can…do your, uh, your flash thing and get both of us up there."

"Hey, how did _you_ know I had to know what the place looked like to get there?" Bungi asked suspiciously.

He shrugged. "Simple deduction."

"He's just brilliant that way," Elizabeth called down, grinning.

Jason smiled up at her sheepishly.

"Huh. Why didn't you try using simple deduction to figure out that Elizabeth has loved you for almost nine freaking years?" Bungi asked, arching a brow. "Okay, let's get up there."

Without warning, she used Jason's arm to pull herself up. Halfway through, he started helping her, though they were already a little off balance. Elizabeth pulled back as Bungi managed to find her way to the window, where she peered out at it, taking a good, long look. Then she hopped off Jason's shoulders, landing in a pile of teddy bears.

"Okie doke," she announced. "I'm ready."

Jason, who had tried to catch her when she fell, shook his head when she grinned at him and helped her up.

With an iridescent **flash**!, they appeared next to Elizabeth on the balcony. As soon as Jason had gotten over the weird trip, they climbed over the side of the balcony and used the supports to slide down. Luckily, Sonny was absent from the downstairs, so they strode off without fear toward the road.

Where someone came running, screaming her head off while a herd of pigs chased after her. Bungi watched her fly past and started off toward where they'd left the motorcycle and Elizabeth's car. Jason went to go after the woman, thinking to help her, but Elizabeth grabbed his arm.

"That's Sam," she told him, wide-eyed.

"Actually, it's Spam!" Bungi yelled from down the road.

"Oh," Jason said, then shrugged. "She can deal with it herself."

They hurried after Bungi.

* * *

"Um, so why do you call people stuff like 'Spam' and stuff?" Elizabeth asked as they walked to the car.

"Well, because Spam is evil. I call her Scam when she's working her con artist stuff, though," she replied nonchalantly. "I add the 'l' to Claudia L.'s name because 'l' is for el FREAKO. I mean, has anyone else noticed her strange, incestuous obsession with her brother? Now that's weird. She scares the living daylights out of me. Jason?"

"What?"

"Will you shoot her?" she begged. "Please?"

"I…can't, there are no more guns or mobs, remember?" he said, shrugging. "Besides, I'm pretty sure she's having troubles enough as it is surviving, because Sonny had her assets frozen and she's working at a biker bar a few miles outside of town."

"You know, you may be omniscient," Bungi told him, with wide eyes.

"I just have my sources," he replied, wrapping his arm around Elizabeth's shoulders.

Bungi took a moment to go, "awwww."

"Okay, so that explains Claudia and Sam, but what about Lucky?" Elizabeth asked.

"My cat?"

"The person."

"Oh. Well, he's Latte. Lucky is a very, very, very dumb name for a human," she explained, shrugging.

"And…Latte is that much better?" she returned, chuckling.

"Yep. Besides, look what you can do with Latte!" Bungi exclaimed, grinning. "When he's hyper he can be Mocha Latte, or-or Latte Macchiato when he's stained his shirt; see where I'm going with this?"

Elizabeth and Jason laughed, grinning at their newfound friend.

"I get it," Elizabeth said, shaking her head.

"Good, now let's go get some ice cream!"

"Don't you have to be heading back to…wherever it is you're from?" Jason inquired.

"Not yet. There are still some things that need to happen yet," Bungi said, shrugging. "Besides, we need to pick up Cameron and Jake—which, by the way, their joined name is Cake, for easier sayage—and get some ice cream."

"I am in total agreement with that plan," Elizabeth said eagerly. "Honey?"

"Whatever you want."

Bungi grinned. "Awww."


	4. The Finale

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. All belongs to _General Hospital_ creators and writers.

* * *

Elizabeth pulled up outside of Robin and Patrick's house and Jason stopped behind her. Bungi hopped off the bike, hair completely screwed up.

"The wind is bad sometimes," Bungi commented, sighing as she struggled to fix her hair, which had, unfortunately, lost its ponytail.

Jason chuckled, still sitting on the bike. Elizabeth got out of her car and snorted at the sight of Bungi's hair.

"You look…great," she said, trying to contain her laughter.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Bungi returned, scowling. "Maybe I should drive with you now."

"Good idea. I'm just gonna run in and get the kids," Elizabeth said, turning away.

"I'll come with you."

Bungi trotted after Elizabeth and waited when she knocked. Patrick answered the door, eyes widening at the sight of Bungi.

"Um, we're not bad," he said quickly. "We don't need to be yelled at!"

"She's not here to yell," Elizabeth said before Bungi could get in one word. "We're just picking up the kids."

"Oh, okay."

He smiled, retreated into the house, and brought out Cameron. Robin trailed behind with Jake.

"Hi, Cam! Did you have a good time?" Elizabeth asked sweetly.

"Yeah!"

"Good! Thank you so much for taking care of them at the last minute."

"Oh, it's really no problem," Robin replied, smiling. "We could use the practice."

Bungi promptly smacked her. Elizabeth and Patrick gasped, stunned.

"Why did you do that?" Robin screeched, cupping her cheek in pain.

"Um…sorry, I was just thinking of what a pain in the ass you're being on the show," Bungi said abashedly. "Do you want me to get some ice for that?"

"I'll get it," Patrick said, retreating into the house again.

"I-I'm _really_ sorry," she repeated.

"Why don't you take Cam to the car and get him buckled in?" Elizabeth suggested.

"Okay, sure. Sorry, Robin!"

Bungi trotted off with the little kid and Elizabeth and Robin shook their heads.

"What did I do on the show?" Robin murmured.

"I have no clue," Elizabeth replied, shrugging. "Well, thanks again. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, bye."

* * *

"Why are there no ice cream places in this stupid town?" Bungi cried, scowling. "Do you people live in barns or something? Ice cream is wonderful and there is no ice cream here!"

Elizabeth glanced over at Bungi, wincing. Cameron stared at her in shock at the sheer volume and Jake giggled delightedly.

"Seriously, who can live in a world without ice cream?" she continued, smacking her hand on the steering wheel. "I mean, besides the icky people. Like Claudia L. an-and—"

"Okay, I've never actually met Claudia, but…what do you have against her?" Elizabeth asked, confused. "It's not like she's ever done—"

"She hits on Jas—"

"She _**what**_?"

Bungi cleared her throat. "She hits on Jason. And she also hired Ian Devlin to kill Sonny, which wouldn't be so bad, except that he hit Michael instead."

"Oh, my God."

"Yeah, I know. Bitch, right?"

"Not in front of the kids," Elizabeth reminded her quickly.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry."

"Well, I think we need to tell the police about this. Let me see if I can page Lu—"

"I've told you a billion times, it's _Latte_. Besides, he's such a dumba—I mean, he's so stupid that even if he saw the crime _happen_ he'd have to ask witnesses what happened. And even then, he wouldn't be able to find or identify the criminal. You really should just cut him out of your life."

Bungi nodded sagely and Elizabeth stared at her, blinking.

"Are you related to Oprah or…or Dr. Phil?" she asked.

She chuckled. "No. Why?"

"You're just…very therapeutic," she commented, shrugging as she turned to look out the window.

"Why is there no ice cream?" Bungi exclaimed.

"I think we serve some in the cafeteria at the hospital," Elizabeth said soothingly. "Let's just go there."

"Why didn't you say so before?"

Elizabeth stared at her blankly.

* * *

A few minutes later…

"Yo, Epiphany, what's up?" Bungi called as she marched off the elevator.

"Bungi!" Epiphany exclaimed, surprisingly excited to see her.

Elizabeth exchanged a puzzled glance with Jason as they led the kids in. Jason shrugged, standing dutifully behind his wife as they waited for Bungi, who had hopped up onto the nurse's hub without getting yelled at. The head nurse and Bungi traded low-fives.

"So how's it going with you?" she asked, grinning.

"Much better now that you got rid of the mob," Epiphany replied, smiling. "It's surprising how much higher people's brain cell count is when they're not dodging bullets every two seconds."

"You mean, besides Sonny, Claudia L., Spam, Latte, Johnny, Lala, Ian, Luke, and Anthony?" Bungi returned, arching a brow.

"Of course."

"Yeah, everyone else is much smarter!" she agreed wholeheartedly. "I was thinking about killing off Sonny, but then I figured that Kate would be sad. And as much of a bitch as she is…well, that's just it. She's a bitch and it's awesome, so…."

Epiphany nodded in agreement. "Why don't you kill off the rest of them?"

"Oh, well, um…let's see," Bungi said thoughtfully, scooting the phone over so she could sit cross-legged on the hub. "Anthony is only crazy in this story and he's kind of fun to visit for a laugh, since he…never stops. Um, Luke is funny when he's drunk and just may kill himself with alcohol poisoning anyway. Lala and Johnny are so easy to make fun of, but really no harm at all, so I have to keep them around. Claudia L. and Ian—I am _trying_ to kill them, but I'm very afraid of Claudia L. So it's hard. I mean, when you don't want to touch the person you're trying to kill, it's difficult."

"Why are you afraid to touch her?" Nadine asked as she came up to the hub.

"Hey, you don't know where that's been!" she said, wide-eyed. "It's very, very sick. And, well, we'll just see what happens with Spam and Latte."

"Sounds ominous," the lower nurse commented.

"Don't you have work to do?" Epiphany growled.

Nadine hurried off.

"Wow…she's almost burning streaks in the floor," Bungi said, tilting to watch her go. "Anyway, the fam and I are just here for ice cream. So I'll see you later."

"Okay, bye."

Bungi hopped off the hub and headed off with Jason and co.

* * *

Another few minutes later…

In the cafeteria, Bungi sat at a big round table, flattening herself against it and watching someone across the room. Jason approached with a large chocolate-vanilla twist cone and two cherry slurpies. Eyeing the strange woman, he lowered himself into the seat next to her and offered her the cone. She took it, not looking at him.

"What…are you looking at?" Jason asked apprehensively.

Bungi smiled and leaned toward him conspiratorially.

"I wrote 'turn this over' on both sides of a napkin and Lulu found it," she told him, snickering. "I'm just waiting to see how long it takes her to figure out."

"Bungi, that's awful!" Elizabeth said as she came up, sitting her boys down and holding Jake.

Jason handed Elizabeth her slurpie and sighed, shaking his head at Bungi.

"It's not awful!" she protested. "She will feel great about herself once she figures it out! Because she will feel oh-so smart and…very accomplished."

Jason and Elizabeth stared at her while Cameron ate his ice cream.

"Okay, so I'm a terrible person, so what?" Bungi said at last, turning back to her blonde-watching.

* * *

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_"

Elizabeth hurried to Latte, who was standing at the nurses' hub, bawling. Jason held Jake in his arms, staring emotionlessly. Cameron and Bungi played rock-paper-scissors.

"What happened, Lucky?" Elizabeth asked worriedly. "Is everything all right?"

Epiphany, who was frowning deeply, watched Latte rub his eyes and turn away, tearing at his hair. Elizabeth turned to her, confused.

"Sam was run over by a herd of pigs," Epiphany explained, shrugging. "She just passed away."

Stunned, Elizabeth turned to Latte, rubbing his shoulder gently.

"Lucky, I…I am so sorry," she said sadly. "I know you loved her."

Latte whirled and promptly seized Elizabeth by the front of her shirt. Bungi and Jason exchanged a glance in which the ex-mobster communicated to her that Latte may get a beating later. Bungi simply nodded and gave a thumbs up.

"You don't under_stand_!" Latte cried, shaking his ex-wife. "She had the box of Cheez-Its! And now…and now…." He sniffled, holding out a crumbled red box, from which fell several crumbs of the orange color. "Look! They're _gone_!"

Elizabeth stared, uncertain. "Oh…kay."

From the elevator came a slowly growing cackle and Diane Miller slapped her knee, doubling over. Bungi turned in delight, grinning at the lawyer.

"Yes! The fun one is here!"

She bounced over to Diane and they stood in the corner, laughing uncontrollably. The entire room seemed to turn and watch as they whispered back and forth, trying to hear. Diane roared with laughter after Bungi whispered rapidly for a moment. Bungi turned back to the room, grinning.

"Um, Latte…I have a box of Cheez-Its," Bungi called, offering him a square.

"Really?" he squeaked, bouncing over and sitting on the floor, pretty much begging for it.

Bungi and Diane laughed as she gave him the cracker and he did a little spin on the floor.

"He's so cute!" She patted him on the head. "All right, Latte, I won't kill you off. You're like a little pet."

Elizabeth shook her head, incredibly freaked out. "What are you guys talking about?" she asked when Bungi and Diane continued whispering.

They turned slowly, glaring at the room. Bungi folded her arms, donning her own 'Stone Cold' face.

"Nothing," she said stiffly.

"I don't think anyone is privy to that information except for me and Ms. Bungi," Diane added, raising her chin.

"Oh…kay then," Elizabeth said, shaking her head as she returned to her husband's side.

Just then, Claudia L. entered the room, looking around, quite obviously, for Johnny. The obviousness being that she was calling his name and searching in every corner of the room. Jason and Elizabeth exchanged a glance with Bungi, who quivered and motioned for them to take care of it. Husband and wife exchanged another glance before Jake and Cameron were handed to Bungi and Diane. Then they promptly walked forward, grabbed Claudia L. by the arms and legs and, after three heaves, threw her out the window.

Jason wiped his hands on his jeans and put his arm around his wife, then turned back to the occupants of the room. Everyone was silent.

"Well," Bungi said at last, "good riddance to bad rubbish, eh?"

"Totally," everyone said in unison, except Latte, who was begging for another Cheez-It.

"I think that's all I need to do here," Bungi said, sighing. "Yeah, Spam is dead, Latte is pretty much a brain dead vegetable, Claudia L. is dead, and I'm pretty sure Ian is running away even as we speak. And you guys are together and happy. So…I guess that's it everyone."

Everyone exchanged glances sadly. Bungi waggled her eyebrows, grinned, and, with an iridescent **flash**!, was gone.

* * *

Elizabeth slid onto the bed next to Jason, smiling up at him.

"You know, as crazy as Bungi was," she said as she poured their wine. "I'm actually gonna miss her a little."

"Yeah?" he said quietly, caressing her arm gently.

"Yeah. I mean…she was a little mean sometimes and sort of…creepy on some level," she replied, shrugging. "You know, with her omniscience. But, um, she was still really nice…to us, and she was good with the kids, and, without her, Lucky is kind of lost, and she kept us from making a big mistake and breaking up, and she got rid of the mob, and she absolutely adored you."

Jason smiled, pulling her a little closer. "She liked you, not me."

Elizabeth chuckled. "Maybe it just seemed that way because you didn't trust her at first."

"Maybe. I love you."

"I love you, too."

He bent down and kissed her gently, just as an iridescent **flash**! appeared in the room, leaving a woman with a carton of popcorn and a fluffy white cat behind.

"Aww, you guys are so sweet," Bungi said cheerfully, grinning.

Jason and Elizabeth jumped, hitting their heads on the headboard.

"Ow!"

"Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt you guys in one of your little moments. Nice job with the wine and the candles. And the roses."

"Bungi! What are you doing here?" Elizabeth asked, stunned.

"Well, I've been thinking about setting up camp here in good ol' PC," Bungi replied, snacking happily. "I can't abandon Latte forever. He's just my little pet and he needs me. I mean, reality is so disappointing. I figure soap opera land might just be better. Not that I would leave reality forever. I'd go back around three o' clock for like an hour every day except the weekends."

Jason and Elizabeth were silent for a moment.

"I'm not even going to ask why," Elizabeth said, sighing.

"Do you have to set up camp here in our bedroom?" Jason asked, frowning.

"I don't want to miss anything!"

Jason eyed his wife, slightly annoyed.

"This is gonna be fun," Elizabeth said with a groan.

Bungi just chuckled.

* * *

The _**real**_ end. ;) Oh, except one thing, "I came, I saw, I conquered. I felt really bad about it!" Bungi plants a kiss on the screen and disappears with an iridescent **flash**!


End file.
